Sample Dialogues on the Prospects of Barry Hussein

This is me and my friend Chris Bartlett, IMing me from somewhere in Central China.

Josh: oh god please help us
I’ve been reduced to voting for Obama just so I can watch all the starry-eye’d zombies feel crushing disappointment when the millennium is not ushered upon us
and taking joy in that crushing defeat
Chris: there is that but i don’t know if it’s worth the initial pomposity .
at least i won’t be in the country for it
Josh: you have to climb to the stars to fall back down on your face
Chris: we will have truly breached the race barrier when obama is defeated in a landslide by Mitt Romney
in 2012
Josh: hahaha
you can’t defeat a black man
that’s racism!!!one!
Chris: but i just can’t take his uppitiness!
Josh: don’t you know he’s the third coming of christ?
Chris: whom was the second?
Josh: jesus
he hasn’t come yet
Chris: i missed it!
Josh: but he has dibs
Chris: FRAK
i’ve been warming up my “I’m not a racist because I dislike Barack Obama” defense for my time back in Boulder
Josh: which is good — because those rancid lesbians will be all up in your braids about it
Chris: it’s like, either I’m vastly more bigotted than you ever imagined or Obama is not the messiah.
Josh: don’t blaspheme
Chris: frack off thought police!!!
Josh: remember where you live
Chris: hmmm. not sure how chicom censors feel about the big O
Josh: heh, they made my nightstand. The Big O, that is. And probably the ChiComs.

This stands in stark contrast to my friend Epple, in a state that went strongly for the Hillbot 9000. I raised the Christ point with him as well during some idle work IMing.

Epple: compared to bush
he kind of is
Josh: right, so that’s not a helpful response
Epp: and a candidate that rallys people into a fervor.. isnt a bad thing
Josh: I distrust demagogues
Epple: now you sound like an atheist
Josh: I am a political athiest
Epple: whats wrong with people getting around a candidate
and being excited?
Josh: nothing, that’s healthy
but the idealism is so annoying. I really want a unicorn to follow me, glistening, out of the waters as roses erupt from my crotch
Epple: he is about as close as punk as you could get for a canddiate
Josh: but that’s no reason to vote for someone
no he’s not — he is the opposite of punk
Epple: why isnt it?
Josh: because it’s voting a fantasy rather than reality
I’d prefer something accomplishable rather than wishing really hard to win American Idol then crying when Simon Cowell calls me ugly
Epple: right
we’ve voted ‘reality’ for a long time
Josh: no, we haven’t
Epple: lets try something different
Josh: Bush’s two terms were fantasies
1) that he’d end our intervention abroad and lower deficit spending,
2) that he’d win Iraq and defeat a tactic
it was a total fantasy, both terms
Epple: i agree
Josh: so how was that people voting relaity?
Epple: i’m equating your definition of reality with a status quo
Josh: that doesn’t make sense
Epple: look, hes probably only candidate that i’ll see in my lifetime who closest matches the direction i think we should be heading
Josh: now that’s something different
Epple: and even if he is able to get nothing done.. acutally trying for once, is more than enough for me
Josh: just don’t be mad when I’m laughing.

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