Archive for the 'Humor' Category

Sarah and Todd sizzle

From The Other McCain at Hot Air:

“Now, here’s my idea: I told my source to give my phone number to . . . uh, two sources in Wasilla, Alaska, if you get my drift. Because I’ve made my living as a professional journalist since 1986, I’m not really so good at this newfangled making-stuff-up business, but I’d be willing to give it a try:”

What follows is definitely worth the time, the effort and the link.

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Obama Fires Izzo

awards Michigan State 18 points.

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Probably Overpaying

Picture 839.png

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The New F***ing Citibank

The New F***ing Citibank – watch more funny videos
NSFW due to strong language.
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So This is How the Zombie Apocalypse Starts

The good news is that it starts in Russia.

According to the Russian news agency RIA Novosti, a mosquito managed to live 18 months clinging to the outside of the International Space Station, without any food, being bombarded by radiation and enduring fluctuating temperatures ranging from minus 230 degrees to 140 degrees Fahrenheit.

“We brought him back to Earth. He is alive, and his feet are moving,” Anatoly Grigoryev of the Russian Academy of Sciences told RIA Novosti.

The bad news is that there are a LOT of people in Russia.

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Two Cows Theory of AIG Implosion

I always love these explanations.

Hat Tip: Megan McArdle

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Step Right Up! It’s Your Bailout Too!

I hear repeatedly from our fellow citizens “where is my bailout?” For those who have been wondering the fine journalists at Vanity Fair have found the paperwork so you can begin applying now for, as the application says, “free government cash.” (Click image for Large Version.)

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Our Government’s Economic Policy Explained

By Fred Thompson. With only the most minor quibbles I not only laughed, but cried. Pretty much dead on:

The sad thing is that it isn’t only “liberal” economists, it is the meat of the profession and plenty of so called “conservative” politicians.

Hat Tip: McQ

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On Market Forces

(via: Inkcinct)

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A Scandal in Seven Hills

The premier of New South Wales, Mr. Nathan Rees, was reportedly surprised to discover that an illegal brothel was in operation above his offices, in a commercial building in the Seven Hills area outside Sydney. Unfortunately for the brothel’s owners, Mr. Rees is taking steps to have the rather obtrusively titled “Tiantian Chinese Massage Shop” shut down. Unsurprisingly, it seems journalists were intimately familiar with the parlor’s location and purposes.

But tech writer Steve Levenstein had the most amusing observation on this: Apparently now a politician knows what it’s like to be screwed from above.

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Whoopee, its bailout time!

From the comments at Financial Times:

Nov. 13 (Bloomberg) — In a surprise move today, Whoopee Cushions Inc was approved bank holding company status by the Fed to enable the company access to the recently revised TURD scheme.

Imported far-eastern whoopee cushions have decimated the domestic industry over the past two decades, leaving former giants of the industry controlling a mere 0.1% of the domestic market. Some observers point to the poor reliability and high labor costs of domestic products as a defining factor in the industry’s demise, but it appears the government are prepared to spend now and ask questions later.

Chairman and CEO, Chuck Chuckles said “It is vital that the government recognises the role we play in the modern US economy. Whoopee Cushions Inc has been the backbone of US manufacturing for over 400 years and if we were to go under it would mean 100,000 people needing to learn new skills and find work in more productive industries. I think you will agree, that is something nobody wants to see happen”.

Finance Director Mr Magoo, 12, added “Whoopee! I’m off to structure some whoopee cushion backed securities to sell to the government at inflated prices”. At time of going to press it is not known whether the pun was intended.

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On Forum Dissent

Quite possibly the best board rule of all time:

If you expect to come here, spout idiotic opinions, write poorly, or just otherwise make an ass of yourself, don’t expect to be mollycoddled. If you are not smart, not funny, or simply don’t add to the collective discourse, you will be beaten like a Russian bride and sent on your way.

This is not quashing dissent. This is the cold boot of failure kicking you straight between the eyes. Just because the American educational system has taught you that everybody is a winner, and that you have some twisted right to have your opinion not only heard, but respected, doesn’t make it true.

Frankly, some of you need to be told that, objectively, you suck. And if you do, it will happen here. You have been warned.”
(Rudius Media)

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Where the Hell is Matt?

This is the greatness of the internet

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Laid Off By Lehman: One Broker’s Story

Heh, heh, heh.

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Strategery Capital Management LLC

A new distressed debt leveraged hedge fund has been launched:

Go visit the website for all their competitive advantages!

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China Pulls a Lapham – UPDATED

China space mission article hits Web before launch

A news story describing a successful launch of China’s long-awaited space mission and including detailed dialogue between astronauts launched on the Internet Thursday, hours before the rocket had even left the ground.

The country’s official news agency Xinhua posted the article on its Web site Thursday, and remained there for much of the day before it was taken down.


“After this order, signal lights all were switched on, various data show up on rows of screens, hundreds of technicians staring at the screens, without missing any slightest changes …

‘One minute to go!’this claim

‘Changjiang No.1 found the target!’…

“The firm voice of the controller broke the silence of the whole ship. Now, the target is captured 12 seconds ahead of the predicted time …

‘The air pressure in the cabin is normal!’

“Ten minutes later, the ship disappears below the horizon. Warm clapping and excited cheering breaks the night sky, echoing across the silent Pacific Ocean.”

Is anyone really surprised? Hopefully the technician who made the mistake is still healthy.

UPDATE: This story doesn’t inspire any confidence in this claim.

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Two Girls and a Dream

Anderson Cooper
(Houston Chronicle)

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New Era Mergers

From Craigs List, though it has since been removed:

H/T- Alphaville

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Summarizing Bob Barr

From the Onion.

(1995–2007) Trying to control the faith, sexuality, reproduction, drug use, and national allegiance of every single American.

(2007–) Aw, F–k it.

H/T: Reason

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Bernanke has a solution

FROM: Dr Ben Bernanke
Central Bank of United States of America

Lagos, Nigeria

Dear Friend:

I have been requested by the regional members Federal Reserve of the USA to contact you for assistance in resolving a matter. The Federal Reserve of the USA has recently concluded a large number of contracts for credit derivative investment vehicles “CDIV” in the Wall Street region of the USA. The contracts have immediately produced moneys equaling US$40,000,000. The Federal Reserve of the USA is desirous of CDIV in other parts of the world, however, because of certain regulations of the USA Government, it is unable to move these funds to another region.

Your assistance is requested as a non-USA citizen to assist the Federal Reserve of the USA, and also the investment bank community of Wall Street USA, in moving these funds out of USA. If the funds can be transferred to your name, in your Nigerian account, then you can forward the funds as directed by the Federal Reserve of USA. In exchange for your accommodating services, the Federal Reserve of USA would agree to allow you to retain 10%, or Nigerian $4 million of this amount.

However, to be a legitimate transferee of these moneys according to USA law, you must presently be a depositor of at least $100,000 in a USA bank which is regulated by the Central Bank of USA.

If it will be possible for you to assist us, we would be most grateful. We suggest that you meet with us in person in New York, NY USA, and that during your visit I introduce you to the representatives of the Wall Street USA, as well as with certain officials of the Central Bank of USA.

Please call me at your earliest convenience at 18-555-1234. Time is of the essence in this matter; very quickly the USA Government will realize that the Central Bank is maintaining this amount on deposit, and attempt to levy certain depository taxes on it.

Yours truly,

The Esteemed Arch-Chairman

Credit: Barry Ritholtz

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Have A Laugh On Me

If you’re not laughing hysterically while watching this, then you’re probably crying uncontrollably … from laughing so hard. Turn up the volume for this one:

Funniest Laugh Ever – Watch more free videos

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Two Americas

I am not an Ann Coulter fan.  Sometimes, however, you must give the woman her due.

Evidence is accumulating that John Edwards is right — there really are “two Americas.” There’s one where men cheat on their cancer-stricken wives and one where men do not cheat on their cancer-stricken wives.

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More from the Kettle

From Slate

From Slate

I still hate the housing bill.

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Driving a Bargain

From Slate

From Slate

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Mr. Hopey Changitude

Kevin Siers / The Charlotte Observer (July 21, 2008)

Kevin Siers / The Charlotte Observer (July 21, 2008)

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Metternich would be proud

Obama makes his first effort at diplomacy with the Palestinians. The response:

F- – - Washington, f- – - Obama and f- – - you.

I feel encouraged, how about you?

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Finally! Car Blogging!

I am co-bloggers Keith and Josh will be thrilled to know that Vanity Fair now has a gay car blog.

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Don’t piss off the wordsmith

It isn’t just that this is funny-or so devastatingly literate, profane and lovingly crafted- and all over the removal of the indefinite article “a”. Nor is is just that Giles is so absolutely correct to be so exercised over the removal of the indefinite article “a.”

What I find so wonderfully amusing is that it is so perfectly English. I can’t imagine an American writer producing anything like it. Lileks comes the closest, but still, very American.

Hat tip: Guy Herbert

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Fiscal Responsibility

Lee Judge / The Kansas City Star (July 22, 2008)

Lee Judge / The Kansas City Star (July 22, 2008)

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The Media is on the Job

Robert Ariail / The State (Columbia, S.C.) (July 23, 2008

Robert Ariail / The State (Columbia, S.C.) (July 23, 2008

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Bosom Buddies

Robert Ariail / The State (Columbia, S.C.) (July 18, 2008)

Robert Ariail / The State (Columbia, S.C.) (July 18, 2008)

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The Horse is out of the Barn

Dwane Powell / Raleigh News and Observer (July 17, 2008)

Dwane Powell / Raleigh News and Observer (July 17, 2008)

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The Amoral Nature of Moral Hazard

The Amorality of Moral Hazard

Joel Pett / Lexington Herald-Leader (July 17, 2008)

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Ch-ch-ch-Changes …

I won’t bore you with the details, but I’ve been invited to blog at QandO and I took it.

That’s right, I hopped all over that opportunity like a starving alley cat on plate of tuna fresh and a saucer of milk. And I like it. So sue me. Just remember that I’m a lawyer so I can sue you back … hard.

In all seriousness, blogging at QandO is more of an expansion than a change of domain. I don’t intend to leave ASHC, so you’ll still be able to not read such great hits as “A Torturous Dilemma,” “Metternich-ing the Middle East“, and “Propaganda and Insurgency” when you come to visit. Only now, you can not read me at two sites! [/snark]

Anyway, there’s probably not a lot that will change because of this new opportunity, except that maybe I will be able to drive a few more eyeballs over here to ASHC. With all due respect to QandO, I still believe that this is the place to get some of the most intelligent and diverse opinions on myriad different topics, and that some of the best writers on the internet reside right here. I am a proud denizen of ASHC whose fortunate enough to have dual citizenship. But this will always be my home.

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The Launch

Due to popular demand, I’ve thrown my hat into the race.

(HT: My Best Man)

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The Unbearable Deification of Obama

Perhaps the most interesting thing to come out of this (unbearably) long campaign season is the rare opportunity to witness deification in process. From Mark Morford, a San Francisco Gate columnist:

Is Obama an enlightened being?
Spiritual wise ones say: This sure ain’t no ordinary politician. You buying it?

I find I’m having this discussion, this weird little debate, more and more, with colleagues, with readers, with liberals and moderates and miserable, deeply depressed Republicans and spiritually amped persons of all shapes and stripes and I’m having it in particular with those who seem confused, angry, unsure, thoroughly nonplussed, as they all ask me the same thing: What the hell’s the big deal about Obama?

I, of course, have an answer. Sort of.


Barack Obama isn’t really one of us. Not in the normal way, anyway.

This is what I find myself offering up more and more in response to the whiners and the frowners and to those with broken or sadly dysfunctional karmic antennae – or no antennae at all – to all those who just don’t understand and maybe even actively recoil against all this chatter about Obama’s aura and feel and MLK/JFK-like vibe.

Morford apparently thinks that his explanation of Obama’s appeal is comforting to such people. I am one of those that recoil at the inane chatter, and yet somehow I still don’t feel comforted.

To them I say, all right, you want to know what it is? The appeal, the pull, the ethereal and magical thing that seems to enthrall millions of people from all over the world, that keeps opening up and firing into new channels of the culture normally completely unaffected by politics?

No, it’s not merely his youthful vigor, or handsomeness, or even inspiring rhetoric. It is not fresh ideas or cool charisma or the fact that a black president will be historic and revolutionary in about a thousand different ways. It is something more. Even Bill Clinton, with all his effortless, winking charm, didn’t have what Obama has, which is a sort of powerful luminosity, a unique high-vibration integrity.

Oh, I get it. He’s like a glow-in-the-dark alarm clock!

Dismiss it all you like [Ed. - Will do!], but I’ve heard from far too many enormously smart, wise, spiritually attuned people who’ve been intuitively blown away by Obama’s presence – not speeches, not policies, but sheer presence – to say it’s just a clever marketing ploy, a slick gambit carefully orchestrated by hotshot campaign organizers who, once Obama gets into office, will suddenly turn from perky optimists to vile soul-sucking lobbyist whores, with Obama as their suddenly evil, cackling overlord.

I can understand why “enormously smart, wise, spiritually attuned people” would not be blown away by Obama’s policies, but that’s setting the bar a little low for his presence isn’t it? As to why these people would be “intuitively” blown away by that presence, so much so that they simply cannot fathom Obama behaving like just another politician after obtaining office, is difficult to discern. Maybe he’s a Jedi knight? Obama-wan Kenobe?

Here’s where it gets gooey.

Got that? NOW it’s going to get “gooey.”

Many spiritually advanced people I know (not coweringly religious, mind you, but deeply spiritual) [Ed. - Right. 'Cus Obama knows those people don't know what their talking about] identify Obama as a Lightworker, that rare kind of attuned being who has the ability to lead us not merely to new foreign policies or health care plans or whatnot, but who can actually help usher in a new way of being on the planet, of relating and connecting and engaging with this bizarre earthly experiment. These kinds of people actually help us evolve. They are philosophers and peacemakers of a very high order, and they speak not just to reason or emotion, but to the soul.

The unusual thing is, true Lightworkers almost never appear on such a brutal, spiritually demeaning stage as national politics. This is why Obama is so rare. And this why he is so often compared to Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr., to those leaders in our culture whose stirring vibrations still resonate throughout our short history.

What Morford doesn’t tell you is that you too can be a Lightworker, and it’s free! In fact, hold that thought for a minute …

Ha! There! Now I’m a Lightworker too! My Lightworker name is “ObiMike Wadobe.” Me and Obama, saving the world.

Are you rolling your eyes and scoffing? Fine by me.

Cha, as if you had a choice, Darkloafer.

Now, Obama. The next step [after Kennedy]. Another try. And perhaps, as Bush laid waste to the land and embarrassed the country and pummeled our national spirit into disenchanted pulp and yet ironically, in so doing has helped set the stage for an even larger and more fascinating evolutionary burp, we are finally truly ready for another Lightworker to step up.

He means Obama, of course, not ObiMike.

Let me be completely clear: I’m not arguing some sort of utopian revolution, a big global group hug with Obama as some sort of happy hippie camp counselor. I’m not saying the man’s going to swoop in like a superhero messiah and stop all wars and make the flowers grow and birds sing and solve world hunger and bring puppies to schoolchildren. Because that’s silly; puppies don’t belong in school.

I may have added that last sentence. It’s Lightworker humor. You may not understand (unless you sign up. It’s free!!!!).

Please. I’m also certainly not saying he’s perfect, that his presidency will be free of compromise, or slimy insiders, or great heaps of politics-as-usual.

No, of course not. That was the “enormously smart, wise, spiritually attuned people” saying all that. Unless Morford was lying about that whole “intuitively blown away” thing, which Darkloafers tend to do.

While Obama’s certainly an entire universe away from George W. Bush in terms of quality, integrity, intelligence and overall inspirational energy, well, so is your dog. Hell, it isn’t hard to stand far above and beyond the worst president in American history.

But there simply is no denying that extra kick. As one reader put it to me, in a way, it’s not even about Obama, per se.

I think this is one of the “gooey” parts.

There’s a vast amount of positive energy swirling about that’s been held back by the armies of BushCo darkness, and this energy has now found a conduit, a lightning rod, is now effortlessly self-organizing around Obama’s candidacy. People and emotions and ideas of high and positive vibration are automatically draw to him. It’s exactly like how Bush was a magnet for the low vibrational energies of fear and war and oppression and aggression, but, you know, completely reversed. And different. And far, far better.



if [ -d /gooey ]; then
rm -rf /gooey


That’s Geekworker humor … different universe.

Don’t buy any of it?

Hell, I won’t take it for free.

Think that’s all a bunch of tofu-sucking New Agey bulls– and Obama is really a dangerously elitist political salesman whose inexperience will lead us further into darkness because, when you’re talking national politics, nothing, really, ever changes? I understand. I get it. I often believe it myself.

Not this time.

Because I know some of you unenlightened beings won’t pick up on my subtle Lightworker humor here (which indicates a problem with your right parahippocampal gyrus), nor on the actual point of this post, let me make it explicitly clear to you ground dwellers: THIS IS NOT ABOUT OBAMA. IT IS ABOUT THE MORONIC DEIFICATION OF OBAMA BY HIS GLASSY-EYED SUPPORTERS LIKE MARK MORFORD, A PAID JOURNALIST.

HT: Charles Johnson, who had the most concise summary: “Oh, good grief.”

Further HT: James Joyner, who tipped me off as to the Lightworker thing, and closed with the Quip Of The Day:

Interestingly, charges that Fred Thompson was a light worker were harmful to his campaign. Go figure.

Everything found via Memeorandum.

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Bob Barr on The Colbert Report

Libertarian Party candidate Bob Barr appeared on the Colbert Report last night. Check out the video after the jump. Some commentary from the American Spectator here.


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Greatest Judicial Opinion of Our Time

This has to be seen by all judicial and college football fans. I’m not sure what the original complaint was, but the opinion is great. Pay special attention to the footnotes to learn that it is the official opinion of the U.S. Judicial system that the “Game of the Century” for this century is the 2006 Rose Bowl. Images of the document after the jump.

EDIT: More at the comments at Volokh.


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Thoughts on Brains

Guess what part of your brain is not primarily for storing information about a two gyrating hippos on a camping trip.

The right parahippocampal gyrus. Much to your (and my) surprise, that part of the brain is used to detect sarcasm. Because apparently there is not enough info about gyrating hippos to fill up the left one, and then the right one would have nothing to do, so it got sarcasm detection instead.

“Stupid brain.”

[HT: Hot Air]

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Food For Thought

After speculating upon Hillary Clinton’s strategic thinking with respect to the Democratic nomination, James Taranto concludes (emphasis added):

To summarize, Mrs. Clinton maximizes her chances of becoming president if she (1) does enough damage to Obama to snatch the nomination away from him, (2) failing that, does enough damage to him to bring about his defeat in November, and (3) gets herself on the ticket, whether he wins in November or not.

Some will say Mrs. Clinton is being disloyal to her party if she undermines Obama’s chances of winning in November. But maybe she just practices a different kind of party loyalty. After all, if you can be a patriot while hoping your country loses a war, why can’t you be a loyal Democrat while hoping your party loses an election?

It is an interesting question.

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Spam Comments

Reading through our spam comment queue is like listening to .

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Synergy at ASHC

This post + this post = .

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Two Iraqi Jokes

Both via Major John at Miserable Donuts, a milblog. First, a joke as told by an Iraqi Army captain:

President Jalal Talibani summoned the leaders of the Iraqi parliament to his office for a meeting. In the middle of the meeting his wife calls him and says, “Jalal, there is a thief in our house!” President Talibani replies, “impossible, they are all here with me.”


Second, a visual joke accompanied by an explanation from Major John:

Tuskan Raider?

The jundi in the picture was putting on everything he could while his buddies laughed and egged him on. I simply couldn’t not take a picture.

There’s a bigger image at the link for full visual effect.

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This Kid Has a Bright Future Ahead of Him

Ralph Hardy, a 13 year old from Newark, Texas confessed to ordering an extra credit card from his father’s existing credit card company, and took his friends on a $30,000 spending spree, culminating in playing “Halo” on an Xbox with a couple of hookers in a Texas motel.

One of the best parts of this story,? (and there are many)

Ralph’s ambition is to one day become a politician

Oh I think he’s well on his way already. The question is, is this story true?

(HT The Shag)

UPDATE: Looks like it was not true. Thanks to FzxGkJssFrk in the comments.

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Why White People Like Free Health Care

Yet another reason to read Steve Newton, you discover blogs with stuff like this on it:

But the secret reason why all white people love socialized medicine is that they all love the idea of receiving health care without having a full-time job. This would allow them to work as a freelance designer/consultant/copywriter/photographer/blogger, open their own bookstore, stay at home with their kids, or be a part of an Internet start-up without having to worry about a benefits package. Though many of them would never follow this path, they appreciate having the option.

If you need to impress a white person, merely mention how you got hurt on a recent trip Canada/England/Sweden and though you were a foreigner you received excellent and free health care. They will be very impressed and likely tell you about how powerful drug and health care lobbies are destroying everything.

Though their passion for national health care runs deep, it is important to remember that white people are most in favor of it when they are healthy. They love the idea of everyone have equal access to the resources that will keep them alive, that is until they have to wait in line for an MRI.

This is very similar to the way that white people express their support for public schools when they don’t have children.

Actually, the first paragraph for the first time made me wish we did have free health care!

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Man I Hate Illinois Nazis

I’m sure by now most of you have heard of Tony Zirkle, the Indiana lawyer running for Congress (as a third candidate) who attended a Nazi party in Chicago. However, I found his campaign site and joy of joys, it turns out he has a message board! You’ll absolutely love his excuse for going the party.

Socialists deserve to hear the Gospel and some of them might need it more than the average person. I took it as an opportunity to hand out an entire box of books on the life of Christ. Additionally, WWII may never have happened had we not neglected pornography and prostitution in the Jewish community. Hitler would not have had his most powerful argument when he claimed that Jews cartelled 97% of all international prostitution. Let’s not repeat history. (emphasis mine)

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The Wonders of the Midwest

Ever since I moved to the Midwest four-point-five long months ago, I’ve been amazed at the subtle difference that occasionally make me feel like I’m in another country. Maybe Arlington, VA is just too damned humorless, but there are random bits of naughty that crop up here and there that just make me giggle uncontrollably. For instance, I saw this the other day in a Price Chopper:


Really? The cheshire-grinning coach is packing fudge bars? Ridiculous. This brings up an interesting Tyler Cowen post, in which he lays out his “Anti-American” positions. Among them?

4. I could not live in rural America and be happy.

I used to say the same thing about the Midwest. While many of my fears of it are, in fact true—the racism in particular is galling (like the old white guy at Wal-Mart checking only the receipts of black people)—there are surprising benefits. I’m still unaccustomed to random strangers saying hello to me and probably meaning it. A far higher percentage of fast food employees are white (this, too, stands out for some reason). Even the local flavors of homosexual are far gentler, friendlier in many ways, though not as delicately coiffed and a touch flakier.

I guess what I’m saying is, I just didn’t expect it to be so mild. But that sort of sums up this whole region: mild. I was afraid of that at first. But not anymore.

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Life Imitates the Onion

9/11 Conspiracy Theories ‘Ridiculous’ al Qaeda says – The Onion April 2nd

Al-Qaeda accuses Iran of 9/11 lie – BBC April 22nd

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Beware the Believers

Heh, a response to Richard Dawkins and the unbelievers amongst us. Right or wrong, arrogant condescension does not go unpunished.

Hat tip: D.A. Ridgely

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