Joisey Quagmire

A low level civil war slash insurgency is plaguing New Jersey, and some say that there is little we can do about it. Law enforcement has all but given up:

The strategy sounds almost illogical: Detectives in New Jersey are being urged to build criminal cases with as few witnesses as possible. Or with none at all.

In cities struggling with gang-related crimes, like Trenton and Newark, detectives said that even on the infrequent occasions when they find civilian witnesses who might be willing to testify, investigators are wary about pressuring them to appear in court. That reluctance is based on a fear that the authorities might not be able to protect witnesses from retaliation.

In the New Jersey State Police gang unit, the approach is so common that detectives have made hundreds of cases during the past five years, but used civilian testimony fewer than a dozen times, investigators said.

Even Gov. Jon S. Corzine has directed police agencies in the state to use witnesses more sparingly in cases involving street gangs.

Detective Sgt. Ronald Hampton of the State Police, who has worked in the gang unit since 2002, said the testimony of civilian witnesses was considered evidence of last resort.

“It used to be that when someone gave information, the first words out of a detective’s mouth were, ‘Are you willing to testify to that?’” Detective Hampton said.

Gov. Corzine has a plan to bring peace to the Garden State once again, but not everyone thinks it will work:

Some state officials who support Mr. Corzine’s proposals said that New Jersey’s witness intimidation problem had grown so complex and severe that it would take a broader effort, from both government and community leaders, to combat it.

“The bad guys are willing to use tactics that the good guys haven’t yet figured out how to deal with,” said State Senator John H. Adler, chairman of the Judiciary Committee.

Ivory tower law professor, and Übermensch of all Interweb tubular connections, Glenn “Chicken Little” Reynolds breathlessly intones:

It’s a quagmire, the local political system is inept, and the corruption and terror will never end. U.S. out of New Jersey now!

Well I say such defeatist rhetoric needs to stop now!

Are not New Jerseyans as deserving of peace and freedom as we Americans … er, other Americans? Yes they have funny accents, are way to cozy with corruption amongst their political ranks, and of course there is the problem of holding the State together despite the largely homogeneous southern populous populace wishing to secede, but that does not mean that a reasonably peaceful union cannot be achieved that will serve as a model to other struggling Democracies in the region.

Some will say that any attempt to liberate New Jersey from the current tyranny of insurgent gangs is just a ploy to get their oil, but we can just buy that oil, we don’t need to seize it.

Others will claim that not one of the 9/11 terrorists came from New Jersey, which is true but misses the point that Jersey has become a safe haven for terrorists of all stripes who train there and then strike far from home.

Clearly we cannot let the State continue to flounder and disintegrate, becoming home to yet more fiendish characters.

But the time to act is now. If we truly want to see a stable New Jersey devoid of the rampant corruption that symbolizes it, and free of radical mafioso-ism, then we need to change gears and take the fight to the insurgents. We need someone who not only knows the area, but who has demonstrated the intellectual acuity and technical skill to counter the insurgency with a brilliant plan for a … ahh … ummm … counter-insurgency!

Therefore, I propose Gen. Petraeus be appointed Chief Law Enforcement Officer for New Jersey at once before it’s too late. If given enough resources, a “surge” some might call it, the Trenton Awakening will be just around the corner.

Remember, we have nothing to defeat but defeatism itself!
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14 Responses to “Joisey Quagmire”

  1. on 21 Nov 2007 at 3:15 am bk

    “Joisey” is LAME. No one says Joisey, in Jersey. Do you watch the Soprano’s? That is spot on for how local folks without care for proper diction would speak. Have you ever heard Tony and company utter “Joisey?” No. Please stop perpetuating this total, unsubstantiated myth.

  2. on 21 Nov 2007 at 3:20 am FedupinNJ

    No, we don’t deserve any reprieve because we have allowed ourselves to become pretty much a one party state and a national laughingstock. We keep reelecting the same schmucks and we get what we deserve.

    These urban hellholes are only one of the many problems here.

  3. on 21 Nov 2007 at 4:45 am Pixelkiller

    Doity Joisey may be thoroughly corrupt, but it ain’t crazy like California. Corruption, afterall, has a sort of internal logic. Crazy, on the other hand is, er, unmanageable?

  4. on 21 Nov 2007 at 4:50 am MichaelW

    “Joisey” is LAME. No one says Joisey, in Jersey.

    Yeah, I know. It’s one of the things people in the states surrounding Jersey say to piss off those living in Jersey. How do I know? I grew up right outside Philly in Wilmington, DE. Believe me, “Joisey” is a common slur.

  5. on 21 Nov 2007 at 7:10 am Lee

    It would help if witnesses weren’t treated like criminals.

  6. on 21 Nov 2007 at 1:01 pm Randolph Resor

    I’m from New Jersey (the southern part), and we are not such a homogeneous populace (viz “populous”, your word, although New Jersey is indeed the most densely populated state in America).

    Nobody says “Joisey” down here. Perhaps it’s because we’re south of the Mason-Dixon Line?

    We do seem to manage to elect leaders that make us the laughingstock of America, though, despite our best efforts. I have no explanation except that the Democratic political machine is well-entrenched here. For all I know, the cemetaries vote “early and often”.

  7. on 21 Nov 2007 at 2:29 pm MichaelW

    … populace (viz “populous” …).

    Good catch. Fixed.

  8. on 21 Nov 2007 at 3:59 pm Sue

    CBS doesn’t make a sound now. Oh, and by the way, New Jersey’s governor is just now noticing that its over for the state as a “law abiding” place people might want to live in? He is even worse than I thought! The only thing they could do in New Jersey is fence it in and forget about it.

  9. on 21 Nov 2007 at 5:45 pm Ron Coleman

    I think that, rather ironically, the whole “Joisey” slur comes from the way old-time New Yorkers used to say it. The joke is not, or was not, so much mockery of how we supposedly talk, but how out of staters of supposedly superior caste view us. The double irony, of course, is that New Yorkers of the social level who would employ such pronunciation were hardly in a position to look down their nose at anyone.

  10. on 21 Nov 2007 at 6:05 pm MichaelW

    I think that, rather ironically, the whole “Joisey” slur comes from the way old-time New Yorkers used to say it.

    That was always how I understood it as well. For my friends and I it was a way to make fun of NY, NJ and PA all at the same time … of course, conveniently ignoring the “Delaware diphthong” that results in “water” sounding like “woo-ut’r” and “yeah” like “yaee” ;)

  11. on 21 Nov 2007 at 6:24 pm ZeeMan

    Actually, the proper term is “Joisey Joiks”. Common among those residing in the Gommorah to its immediate East.

  12. on 21 Nov 2007 at 6:30 pm John Richardson

    I’m from New Jersey (the southern part), and we are not such a homogeneous populace (viz “populous”, your word, although New Jersey is indeed the most densely populated state in America).

    Nobody says “Joisey” down here. Perhaps it’s because we’re south of the Mason-Dixon Line?

    We do seem to manage to elect leaders that make us the laughingstock of America, though, despite our best efforts. I have no explanation except that the Democratic political machine is well-entrenched here. For all I know, the cemetaries vote “early and often”.

    Given that the Mason-Dixon Line was to settle a land dispute between Maryland and Pennsylvania, the line itself runs from the southwest corner of Delaware up to the NE corner of Maryland and then west from there. Thus, no one in New Jersey or Delaware actually lives below the Mason-Dixon Line despite their desire to be considered sons and daughters of the South. They are still Yankees and will always be Yankees though many could also be considered Damned Yankees.

    See the map in wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mason-Dixon_Line

    John
    North Carolina

  13. on 21 Nov 2007 at 6:56 pm Pete

    You from Jersey? I’m from Jersey! What exit?

  14. on 22 Nov 2007 at 5:42 pm peter jackson

    I think that, rather ironically, the whole “Joisey” slur comes from the way old-time New Yorkers used to say it.

    Actually, if I remember correctly, it comes from a Joe Piscopo SNL bit. Piscopo is from NJ.

    yours/
    peter.

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